I woke up around 8am in Indiana yesterday across the street from the creepy looking Howe Military Academy. Even staying in a small town with the a military academy felt more scary then all those Haunted Houses I went to when I was a pre-teen looking for a cheap thrill. Anyone that isn't hard up for money, and desperate for a college education and willingly wants to fight in wars scare the shit out of me. I imagine a lot of beefy white boys with crew cuts and low IQ's. Put a few hundred of these knuckleheads together and you've got my idea of a scary movie. My plan was to have some coffee downstairs, go for a bike ride in the "fitness center" and head to Chicago. I would gain an hour because of time zones and I didn't want to arrive too early, so I took my time and mapquested a few Chicago neighborhood options. I don't know what time I left, but I arrived in Wicker Park just before 11am.
That amazing fall aroma was still lingering, flirting with me. I parked my car, went into a dress shop, appropriately called Dress Shop, and asked if I needed to feed the meter- which wasn't entirely apparent. Instead there was a flow chart that confused me, and I thought a human might better assist me. I was told I needed to feed the meter, but that I could park for free on Wood St around the corner. I chose to park for free on Wood St and unlike NYC found a spot within half a block. Not having slept well I was in need of a coffee and got one from my favorite Wicker Park cafe; Milk and Honey. It was way stronger than bodega coffee so after I poured some out and added water it was perfect. Afterwards I walked to this pastry shop a couple blocks away that has free internet and bathroom- I needed and borrowed both. Afterwards I went to D Vision, and expensive eye glass store and started looking for a new pair of specs. I'd spent the 6 months in NY looking for new frames but had come up empty, so I called Amanda who lives around the corner to help me decide and afterwards suggested we go back to Milk and Honey and have some snacks.
Around 6 I decided to head to my Aunt's in the suburb, where I would leave my car so they could drive it to Wisconsin when they head to the cottage next weekend. This is the second time they've done this for me, and I am now indebted. This morning my Aunt and I were talking when my Aunt Linda called- before Nancy picked up, she said: it's Linda, this will be a long one... That's because my Aunt Linda likes to talk on the phone for a very long time, and it is hard to get her to get off the phone once you answer. I took my que to go have a shower, but this was interrupted when Nancy knocked on the door to say Linda wanted me to bring some of her herbal pills along, and directed me to rub aroma therapy on my hands cover my nose and sniff three short inhales and one big one.
When I was growing up my Aunt Linda always had a fad she was into, she was my babysitter because both my parents worked and especially in the summers we would have to bear with whatever the trend was; sometimes it was vitamins- she wasn't a rich woman, but when there was a fad, she bought all the way into it and her cupboard was filled with gigantic bottles of expensive vitamins she would make us swallow. They were nothing like the fred flinstone ones I got at home. Another year it was a juicer and she would pinch our noses while we chocked down juice that didn't have any fruit in it. For a few years we had to watch tv with green and red translucent strips hanging listlessly across the screen. Last year everyone in my very large (more than 20) got 4 hardcover books about God's pharmacy and eating like Jesus.... She had just returned from Israel... I have my own diet, it's called eating locally and avoiding fried and packaged foods where most of the ingredients weren't food. I tried to forget my books at my grandma's house where we had gathered, but somehow Linda discovered they were mine, and returned them to my mother. After 12 years growing up with Linda's fads, I'd had enough.
I'm 20 minutes away from boarding and I need to make a call. I was so excited and smiling so much the check-in attendant didn't charge me for my extra bag, and when I asked he found me a couple window seats... Finally a little luck...
Security Guard: "Before he came we were so happy; all working together and having fun..."
Security Guard Friend: "Yeah, we were like the Partridge Family dipped in chocolate."
Security Guard to me: "You didn't hear that."
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