Today I had two or three interesting conversations with work friends.
The first conversation was with a fellow wisconsinite. She got married almost a year ago and told me the story of how her "maid of honor/best friend" sabotaged her wedding day because she wanted to see Mood Fabrics to take pictures to show her mom as she was a fan of project runway and later making her late to her own reception. And how her parents were so selfish they had her running around new york showing them the "sights" until after midnight the night of her wedding. I had to change the wording of this synopsis a couple times because I wrote it in a way that implied she had no way of saying, "no", which obviously she did. She never put her foot down or left her friend of family to put herself first (although her dad did abandon her and her maid of honor at Mood Fabrics).
Then I had a conversation with my friend Morenike whom I asked for advice about an issue I'm having with the apartment I'm moving into tomorrow. The woman I'm subletting from wont allow me to receive mail there... which I feel entitled to do. Morenike told me, I ought not to feel entitled... If you lay out the arrangement- I'm subletting for 3 months from this woman, the only mail I have is Netflix, so... Whats the big deal? I've sublet 5 or 6 apartments in New York not to mention france and chile and I've always been welcome to receive mail... Moreover I've sublet my own apartment to others for years and everyone was always welcome to receive mail... not to do so, seems unnecessarily uptight and paranoid. Nonetheless, as Morenike points out, in this lifetime, I am not entitled to anything, and I best keep that in mind.
Later I talked to a man at work whom I want to know better, but whom I generally only see in passing... In hoping to know him better I asked if he is a lifer in the profession of teaching... He said, well, he whispered, No. He told me he intended to live his life consciously and direct his life to the extent that he made conscious choices driving life changes and experiences. I wanted to know this teacher better because he reminds me of my best colleague (work version of best friend- not the same status as best friend, but best work friend) Thomas, who moved to Chicago at the same time I left for Chile. I miss Thomas and something about this teacher reminds me of something in Thomas. When I left for Chile I was at a point where it felt like I needed to take the wheel and step off the plan- make something happen, making a conscious choice for something else. New York was comfortable, I had a job at a school I liked, but I felt myself slipping into frustrating dramas and living my life in a way that felt automatic. He said, most people like that, they work hard when they're young to achieve all this "stuff" and then stop and put their feet up. There is this idea (that a lot of people accept) that people ought to put their head down and muddle through, they work for 20 years maybe, and then they plan on enjoying life in retirement. He said, well, I certainly don't plan on having social security around to rely on upon retirement. I won't have a pension working for a charter school... Its important to me that I live my life, now. I don't think he was talking about moving to Chile, but making memories, doing things, having events to look back at in regular intervals to prove he had not wasted this lifetime.
I'm blessed to have these moments in my life when people remind you what not to take for granted. Without feeling pity for my fellow wisconsinite, I'm glad I am not afraid to say "No" when people take advantage, that at times I can put myself first and not feel guilty. Because I don't want my memories of my wedding or any other important day be about how my best friend thought it was more important to take photos of bolts of fabric than celebrate my big day. I'm lucky to have Morenike who always tells it like it is, no matter how right you might be, Morenike isn't going to tell you what you want to hear, she's going to tell you how it is- most of us aren't looking for that in a friend even if we often say we do, but I recognize as hard as it is to hear what she has to say sometimes, life never comes down to whose in the right. We are always this close to being swept up in getting a little too comfortable. Sylvain and I are cat sitting for a friend whose home (for us) is like staying at a 5 star hotel. For ten days we get to relax and enjoy this amazing space that feels even more special because it's our friends' space. There are moments where all I can aspire to is having my own 2bd/2bth in the city, but in order to have a home we would need to set roots down. I can't imagine us doing that in any real way. We move around to better know ourselves, to take on challenges and to know about more than just our needs and desires. I can't imagine a day when we will have more than just enough to get by on, but I imagine we will always have friends somewhere who leave town and need someone to feed their cat, or a visit from mom and a delicious meal out.
