When Paris isn't a Dream

I had a great talk with a Smithie friend tonight who at least for now is feeling like Paris isn't a dream for her. She's half French but until moving to Paris was living in Chicago (although she grew up in Paris). While washing the wine glass from tonights Smith shakespeare night the dryer asked how I was liking Paris, my answer was ummmmm, and then everyone knew, there are no fireworks. It's been like a mediocre date, not bad, it's still a date, a night out, the food was good, but no sparks. And while everyone laughed because the "umm" was so telling, I shared that I had wondered to Sylvain if our experience would be different if our living environment in a tiny studio apartment/cave in the middle of nowhere in the 18eme had been different. My friend who lives in the 18eme as well, was thinking the same thing. She's ready to move back to the states, probably Chicago for a while, but Chicago is not where she wants to put down roots, and so, who knows...

I told her that before I left New York for Chile I had spent about a year feeling like, I didn't need New York the way that a lot of New Yorkers live off the status of being a New Yorker, the respect you get from the rest of the world or country who see New York as inanely special, thus as a resident, you also must be special too. New York is amazing, but living there doesn't make you any more special than someone who lives elsewhere. Some people don't even notice New York is a hassle to live in, but others stay a few years longer than necessary because they let New York mean more than it is, they can't let go of their identity as a New York resident.

Lately I've had a couple friends who can't wrap their heads around the fact Paris isn't my dream. Paris is an idea for most of the world, an idea that is largely a fantasy, but anyone who lived in our dinky apartment in nowhereville 18eme and went from the job of their dreams to watching other peoples kids... Well, that isn't anyone's dream, no matter where you live and no matter how good the cheese selection is. There are a few Smithies I know here whose visas are about to run out and are scrambling to find work because they want to stay. But I imagine that to an extent they are identifying with the identity that Paris gives them, because Paris is special. They haven't started careers, just moved to Paris to teach English and are probably holding onto some hope that they might meet a Frenchman and live that dream. (Note to anyone holding on to that dream, French people don't marry, and when they do, they definitely don't marry at age 23, so you still won't have any papers to be in the country).