I think as a nanny I have had to face a lot of "stuff" that I hadn't had too much reason to consider otherwise. I've had tons of mothers I've met at the park acknowledge my job is really hard, these are professional women who have either taken leave to look after their kids before they attend school, or they don't work on Wed, where here in France many mothers get off because the kids don't go to school on Wed.
The first thing I realized was don't become a nanny if you're educated. I have met some professional nannies who want to be nannies, but even though I have an education in education I find the lack of intellectual stimulation, and the daily battle of trying to get two children to eat their food a personal affront. Today I asked S what she eats on the weekend, because I had the sneaking suspicion that it was pizza and chicken nuggets- but her answer- my parents give me whatever I ask for, they never make me eat vegetables- infuriated me. I already assumed she ate crap, but the fact that I am expected to anguish and labor over getting these two kids to ingest vegetables, it's too much. But I take my job seriously, when most the time I can't figure out why- the parents don't back me up with any kind of support- if I say S doesnt get a yoghurt or "treat" unless she eats her vegetables, it is simply ignored on the weekends, and if mom gets home and she asks for one, she gets one. Why do I honestly care if they eat vegetables, I'm not getting a bonus, and their parents aren't losing any sleep over it, but I pull my hair out not just getting them to eat vegetables, but half the time getting them to eat at all. A meal with these two is simply a nightmare.
Second, I realized that if I ever had kids, I want them to be cared for by family. I'm sure there are a lot of amazing nanny's out there, but I doubt most of them are half as invested as I'd want my kids' to be. My aunt babysat me when I was growing up, and she basically ignored us and spent the whole day on the phone or watching televangelists on tv. There was a ton of room for improvement, my aunt was a religious fanatic that made me speak in tongues and pray for our safety when we got in the car, she is a total nut, but my aunt loved me. I take care of these kids for money. The kids often tell me they love me, sometimes I tell them I love them back, but the truth is, I'm their nanny because I get paid to be. I know my mom paid my aunt too, but I was just like her own kid, my mom wasn't paying her to treat me like a princess and dote all her attention on me, I spent hours upon tiring hours languishing in the JcPenny outlet store because my aunt loved to shop and plenty of hours at her nutty church a two hour drive away from home, if we weren't outside or upstairs playing on our own, we were stuck following her around for hours while she shopped at Kmart. I don't exactly advocate for the JcPenny's outlet afternoon, but I believe in having my kid learn from grown ups and if that means going grocery shopping with them, playing on their own while the housework is done or playing with the neighbor kid while a few moms played cards or had coffee, then so be it. The whole idea of a nanny totally freaks me out- I am literally paid to give 9 hours of attention to two kids- 9 hours of personal attention is not what anyone needs.
Finally, I'm getting burnt out on other people's kids, and I resent it. I get paid to spend most of the day with someone else's kids, as an educator I am very well versed in child development, and yet, I get no say, no vote, no opinion (why should I?) but it boils my blood more than anything when the parents make decisions that I find detrimental to the kids, because it's easier for them. I get that they're not my kids, but as an educator you work for a school whose education philosophy mirrors your own, so to work for a family whose values differ from your own, is doing my head in. I have a lot of sway with these kids and I've seen their behavior change for the better, at the beginning there were daily tantrums, I haven't seen a tantrum in months, but every time their parents allow for or disrupt their routine or schedule- I pay for it because the kids fall apart. I may have reigned the kids in some, but believe me, my influence is no where near what their parents have. This isn't like a regular job, no matter what my insight, parent's are considered the experts on their kids- but as a teacher and as a nanny, you'd be shocked at the stuff kids reveal to you, little nuggets that say everything. Parents would do well to ask for some insight from the primary childcare provider and work with them as a team because we see and hear everything from a neutral perspective and like any job we take our role as seriously as our employer does. We aren't parents with all the insecurities that come with that role, we are learning all the time too, but our insight could take years off of the therapy your child may someday seek. I should know, I had the babysitter from a religious nuthouse who mostly ignored our basic needs (attention, hunger, toilet breaks, fatigue), but my issues aren't with my aunt, they're with my parents.
P.S. I am not currently (nor have I ever) sought therapy, as far as I know there is no treatment for having Republican parents...
No comments:
Post a Comment