Winding down

I have just over two weeks left in Valparaiso. At this time of year I'm anxious to go home and see friends and family. But before I came to Valparaiso I laid out reasons why I was coming, why this was important to me, and what I hoped to achieve from the experience.

I had various goals, none being more important of significant than the other but as this experience winds to a close I think it's worth reflecting on whether the goals shifted or changed and whether I met the goal.

First, this one was probably no more important than any other goal for me, but it turned out to have the most significant impact on my time in Valparaiso. Teaching English, I had one interview and no luck finding any work no matter how many posters I posted. Before I left for Chile I had found a job on craigslist that made me fill out a million practice forms only to give the job to someone else. A week ago I got an email from them saying their other choice left them high and dry and would I still be interested in the job. Ah, the irony. Financially not working was a big pain, but mentally not working colored my experience here. I found the absence of work, any work, even volunteer work (which I probably didn't pursue hard enough only contacting two opportunities) to be really hard. In looking at my future with Sylvain this has been the biggest barrier, because I don't want to move to France and not find work. Meaningful work.

I wanted to learn Spanish. Thanks to Rosetta Stone, I feel like I can speak Spanish significantly better than I did after a year in college and several years working in restaurants. Yesterday I returned and exchanged a $10 tub of cream cheese for 2 cartons of Philadelphia Cream cheese and although I didn't understand a word the Chilean accented manager was saying to me, I know I communicated my needs and desires correctly and effectively because the exchange was made and I got twice the amount of cream cheese and some change. I know tourist Spanish, and I could probably have a really bland conversation about tourism, cleaning the house, or body parts if pushed into a corner. I am currently reading Harry Potter in Spanish and find that young adult literature is an appropriate reading level for me. I found when I first got here that the Spanish learning was interfering with the French I was trying to improve, and because most of our friends were French I held off pursuing Spanish conversation, I think I was also very intimidated hence the lack of trying to find volunteer work.

I was hoping to make art while I was here. I am a jewelry designer and I also do a lot of sewing. So even though I came here thinking I'd go back to painting, and this time with guache, I felt completely out of sorts. I can paint, but I paint with oils, not watercolors, and I found the medium change uninspiring. I missed my sewing machine, I wanted to make jewelry and in the end I did some sketching and very little art making. I'd say what I did was plan to make art, and often I would find myself saying, when I get home I want to make x, or y. I have A at home I can make a B with. While I was here I knit 3 scarfs, and crocheted 4 grocery bag totes. This was a personal disappointment.

In coming to Chile, I planned to figure out what next. I was ready to leave New York, and although I'm excited to go back for a visit, I am still ready to leave New York. In the time I have been here we had considered Buenos Aires, but then found that their economy stinks and I'd probably have an even tougher time finding a job, Spain, because we wanted to continue learning Spanish, but then I realized, I didnt really want to carry on with the Spanish and that it would be best for our future if I jumped into French, and so because France was a good solution for lots of reasons, we pursued France. It has been a roller coaster I'd rather not have been on, I'm still on it, and I'd like to get off. What I think I've figured out is this. I like the northern hemisphere, when it's christmas, I want to have the chance of snow in the forecast, not another day at the beach. I want a city that is not New York or Boston. Something big enough to be exciting, with intellectual, cultural and artistic opportunities, and a vast expanse of park and outdoor leisure space. I am ok if rent is high as long as it isn't so high you feel like you are being taken advantage of. I want it to be English or French speaking and somewhere I can find a job. Right now, Lyon and Montreal look pretty appealing. I love that both are close to Paris and New York respectively because while I don't want to live in either of those cities, I still love both of them. The last 3 months no place in the States has really appealed to me, which I suppose is why it's been so easy to let Sylvain's life determine a path. Here's what I figure: I hated Boston don't want to ever live there again, but I like living on the East coast, if not NYC that pretty much leaves D.C., but it doesn't appeal to me that much, I only barely know about 3 people there although I do love crab cakes. In considering the midwest there is really only one or two options. Minnesota is fine and I have a great friend there, but it's too cold. Chicago, well I love Chicago in a lot of ways, it's affordable, I have friends there, but the school system isn't on track and while I love teaching in urban schools, Chicago's seem headed completely in the wrong direction and funding is seriously low. I am also a coastal girl, and Chicago feels landlocked. The west coast is beautiful and oftentimes appealingly open-minded and nature loving. But California is bankrupt, Portland doesnt have enough money in their education program to hire teachers and everyone I talk to there is unemployed anyway. I'm also put off by what from a distance is a really sad state of affairs in America. On the one hand you have Sarah Palin who frankly is a massively narcissistic and ignorant woman- but there are plenty of people like that in America- what is unappealing is the gross amount of people in America that tout her ignorance and consider her a role model while they misquote her political stance. At the same time, it's discouraging to constantly read about how retarded and hypocritical she is at every turn. We knew this about her last year, and yet we validate her media existence by even responding to the mind-numbing fluff in Going Rogue. The same can be said of the scandal that is Fox News. Take a step back and it is truly frightening. Yet no one, no one in America is smart enough or strong enough to effectively protest what has transpired into angry white racist men and women who shame themselves and America. The America I thought I lived in as a child has become divided and weak. It's not Obama's fault, and I don't think it was even Bush's fault and it certainly isn't the fault of any real or imagined terrorist. I think it's our fault. We hold tight to what divides us instead of taking care to consider what we share and trying to build that which binds us. So is it better in France or Canada? Well certainly the healthcare is, and I think in general, yes, it is better. I watch French news with Florence Dauchaise ever night, France isn't perfect, and neither is Canada. But I get the feeling neither countries are cutting off their nose to spite their face.