Marriage PAC's, Lawyers

It's always a little strange in a relationship when you start seeing each other, and you know that if you like each other, getting serious means you have to get married. It's frustrating. I love an adventure, but this adventure is complicated, and confusing, and involves lawyers. If we had done it right, if we had planned ahead in the Type A way neither of us are, maybe, if were at different stages in our lives, this would have been a lot easier. But we are who we are, and we have been living in a sort of pay as you go, a la carte, figuring it out as we go way.

We've been serious for a long time, or at least it feels like a long time. Although I guess it would if you've lived in 3 countries on three continents in less than a years time. I've sacrificed a lot, and I've no regrets, but the time has come to figure out how to stop sacrificing and start moving forward.

I'm excited about the moving forward part, not because it involves babies, or weddings, but because I'm anxious to get a real job in the field I love, I'm anxious for Sylvain to get a real job, and I'm excited for us to not have to live in limbo constantly deciding whose going to end up with the short end of the stick. I hate putting him in a position where he has to sacrifice opportunities and I hate feeling like I'm sacrificing my opportunities. Making "us" official will finally put an end to all of this sacrifice, and the anger and resentment that would soon be rearing its ugly head if we put it off any longer.

Living in France was at first deemed a trial for me- if we were going to be a franco-american couple we wanted to make sure that we were both capable of adjusting to the culture and living conditions of our respective homelands, I needed to work on my French and work out what the reality of French life would be. Since we met and lived in New York for 9 months, Sylvain already knew what to expect, but I wasn't sure what the limitations and advantages of living in france would be until I jumped in and gave it a trial run. The trial run was supposed to last 6-9 months, but after 6 months I realized I wanted to finish out the year as I didn't know if I'd have any teaching options to come home to in NYC. After moving into our new non-studio apartment, I'm wary about leaving again- we actually only have this apartment for 4 months, so even if we decided to stay, we still might end up having to move again but NY in January seems even more daunting...

It's this question, the million dollar question, do we stay or do we go, that I finally pushed forward with the legality of our status. We have looked into PAC when we moved here, but somehow, it didn't seem like it would work for us, we'd been living together for a year already, but not in France, and in France we had no contract, or bills to prove that we lived together so how would we qualify? Moreover, when you're researching anything that involves paperwork in France it is a flow chart of confusion in a foreign language, that at least for me, actually was a foreign language.

I recently had my mother send my birth certificate only to discover the birth certificate can't be older than 3 or 6 months depending on various websites. I also need to have a certificate verifying that I'm not already married, and then have that along with 10 other papers translated.

In the end it doesn't look like PAC's would do us any good, and it seems like even more work than getting married in France. We had originally decided to get married at the court house in New York City, but after all this research and confusion, we are seeking out legal help. Nothing is as clear as it seems it should be. As clear as, I love this person and want to spend the rest of my life with this person building a family and a life together, where do we sign?

I've said it before, I'll say it again; falling in love with an etranger is a pain in the ass, there is nothing remotely romantic about it, I don't even understand how France has this romantic reputation, with all their bloody bureaucracy, it's a wonder anyone ever fell in love here.

Looking for an Apartment

Sylvain and I were really lucky to have the opportunity to live in our friends apartment for the first 9 months of our lives in Paris. There is nothing as stressful as moving to a city and having nowhere to stay and feeling desperate to find something while at the same time trying to maintain a sense that life is fair- because put in that circumstance, desperation makes you ripe for those who would take advantage. You could end up paying much more for the monthly rent than the apartment is worth, but you could also be completely screwed over, you could trustingly give your money to someone who has no intention to handing over keys, or who is renting you the apartment without having any right to, leaving you susceptible to being robbed of your worldly possessions, your life savings and your trust in humanity.

Looking for an apartment in Paris is a sketchy experience, we used craigslist and vivastreet almost exclusively and for every ten emails we sent out begging to get a chance to just "look" at an apartment, we might get one response. We had all the typical rental experiences: showing up to find no one to let us in, showing up to discover prostitutes on every corner, showing up and having the place be awful, showing up and having it be a scam to steal your three months up front in cash while the owner is in Morocco.

It's hard to imagine not being a renter (as opposed to an owner), my life has not led to growing many roots anywhere, but at times it seems like a delicious taste of freedom that makes settling down almost worth it. We finally found a place about a week before we had to be out of our old place, we paid more than 4,000 euros in cash upfront for the 4 months we are renting it. I love our new space, it's perfect in every way our budget could expect, but the stress that built into a fever pitch leading up to finding it makes me long for the day when I am no longer living in a owners market in one of the biggest cities in the world.

Give me some outdoor space and an oven already.