Cleanse

Two years ago I drove to Cambridge to visit my friend Schuy and to plan our hike up Mt Kilimanjaro, when I arrived he had just finished a juice detox cleanse. I think the NYT did an article about cleanses and featured the one he did, it was premade juice meals delivered to your house with idiot proof labels for 200 bucks or so. The description of his poo that week was fascinating. For a while now I've been feeling like I need my own cleanse. At the beginning of September I was taking the 82 bus back to Neuilly from the American Library, my seatmate noticed my babysittee sitting in the seat in front of us, was a whiz at her Leapfrog - at first I didn't know what she was talking about because I have a misplaced memory of this handheld thing being called a "whipit" and so it took me a minute to make the connection. We got to talking, she too was American and she told me she was an energy healer. At the time, I thought cool, and I asked her how regularly the French utilized her services as frankly, I'm coming to feel like Parisians live like they are wearing a stick up their asses, and having sought out yoga here I haven't found a very enthusiastic community of yogis, so I figured other, potentially more spiritual avenues wouldn't really get much of a following. She assured me it was an underground thing.

I've basically had it up to hear with Parisians. A few days a week I take the girls on long scooter rides in the neighborhood or the Bois de Boulogne- I've started playing this game with myself where I say Bonjour to everyone we pass, and generally tally how many people return my friendliness. It's roughly about 50%.

In August I spent 3 weeks in the states where it was midwestern manners no matter where I went. Hello, Goodbye, excuse me, no, you first. I had clearly been in Paris too long, this neighborly friendliness among strangers literally disoriented me. It all felt so foreign that I regularly commented on the unfamiliarity of kind words and niceties.

I wouldn't give up this year in Paris for anything, but I wouldn't come back to live here for anything either (this is not intended to slag off all of France, just Paris). It has gotten to me. The other night I totally bitched Sylvain out for using the last of the toilet paper and leaving me stranded. I'd argue that's kind of a good reason to get upset but he did have a cold so he was using it for tissue and I got out the crazy a little. But where is the joy here? Everyone is suspicious and instead of giving anyone the benefit of the doubt they give you the evil eye. I get pushed around on the metro all the time, this weekend at Centre Pompidou an old lady actually pushed me, old men tell me where to go and what to do with my bag if they find me or it in the way, old ladies refuse to say Bonjour in the park. I don't want to live with so much negativity around me all the time, and I'd run to see that energy healer if I had gotten her card.

I cant wait to get back to NYC, but part of me feels I will need to exorcise this negative energy I've got building up inside me. It's rubbing off on me, I hate being a nanny, and I am bored all day long starring at puzzles and feeling like each day from 9-6 I'm storing up anger and resentment for having to do something so dull and mindless, each day the same as the last but beholden to the whims of a 4 year old bully. A month ago I tried to tackle the problem with a couple earnest trips to a yoga class that offered what was actually a decent Zen garden courtyard, but the class was a dud and the instructor kept trying to get me to make noise breathing through my nose, when I didn't get loud enough right away she didn't give up on me like I wanted her to. I mean, that's great if you're learning to read, or to do equations but if you're at yoga and you're trying to breath loud the more effort you put into something like that, the more likely you are to embarrass yourself with undesirable ejections in this cold and flu season - and frankly you don't want to hold up the class with your insufficient breathing- yoga isn't for the judgmental, but if you can't get the breathing right, during the first 5 seconds of class, your basically exposing yourself as a yoga fraud. Yeah sure you've been doing this for years... After I gave up on yoga at 20 euros an hour I decided to give Haagen Dazs a try, and for a week I consumed ice cream with every meal. Unsurprisingly, it cleansed nothing but added 5 pounds onto my frame.

I'm sure a juice cleanse is not what I need, but I am sure there is something that needs to be ingested or purged to rediscover my former self... Maybe I just need someone to hold me while incanting Your Welcome! thank you! Good Morning! Excuse me! No You Sit! in a thick midwestern accent.

October

I was rudely awoken by my cat flying across the room around 9:30am... After yelling at my sick boyfriend who had launched Manny off the bed after he had attempted to scratch Sylvain's eyes out as he is won't to do after being attracted to fluttering eyelids, I went to the kitchen to give Manny the love and attention he sought and after a reactionary but altogether unnecessary flight, I felt he deserved...

When I returned to bed Sylvain acknowledged that what he had done had been out of line with the assault that had taken place on his face. Having experienced the attempt at gauging out my eyes, I know it can be very disarming, but flinging him across the room, was wrong.

After acknowledging the mauvais temps dehors, we decided to grab crepes at the place literally next door to our building, I was getting anxious about going because usually the place is packed, it's a neighborhood place and I figured with the weather, maybe it would be impossible to find a table, since there were only four. I had needlessly worried however when we entered, it was just the owners and their dog Nino. As long as a dog is not miniature, or jumpy, I am immediately best friends with it. There are a lot of dogs in Neuilly where I work and I spend a lot of time pointing them out to the two girls I nanny for, presenting them more as if they were a great work of architecture or the eiffel tower, than just golden retrievers and beagles. As per usual Sylvain ordered with more insight then I, and I made him share, and then finish my crepe, all the while petting Nino and asking him if he wanted to trade places with Manny, as Nino was chill and less likely to attack in the wee hours of the morning.

We had briefly considered going to the Jean Michel Basquiat show, but I just wasn't feeling the outing, our apartment is always cold, and I knew that being wet and cold was not the way I wanted to spend my day. I suggested instead we go to monoprix and get food. We did and god knows how we spent the next few hours, but I ended up reading a New York Times article about the show the Millionaire Matchmaker- the shows "host" I had seen on Oprah once but otherwise I'd not seen the show... Of course I searched for episodes on surf the channel and Sylvain and I dug in... This season takes place in NYC, and of course, I'm in.

I've been missing the creature comforts of home of late, especially Netflix and Barnes and Nobles. Today, if I had had my way, I would have spent the rainy afternoon with an overpriced starbucks green tea nursing the latest issues of my favorite magazines at my local Barnes and Nobles.

The Greve

I'm a little confused about this greve situation in france. The last week here in Paris has been business as usual as far as I can tell. However on Thursday my boss sent me an email that the US embassy security update- warning Americans to avoid demonstrations, a general tourist warning and of course a notice that if you were planning on renting a car you might have a problem finding petrol... As a side note, I'm not entirely sure why my boss sent me this, 1, I work everyday and renting a car here is out of the question- and, they have a car and haven't seemed to have the slightest problem with getting gas, 2, as my boss sees about as much of Paris as I do on a typical day he must have noticed that things aren't the least bit different from the week before or last month, perhaps he thinks I care about whether the French get one more year of retirement and that I'd be willing to use my personal time to fight the power... I don't think the demonstrators have just cause for their anti-reform stance, and even if I did, it's starting to get cold here and I'd rather be downloading the season finale of MadMen.

Still, it's a little alarming that I keep reading in American news media that France is a scary place full of rioters. Sylvain works everyday in Nanterre where there have been isolated incidences apparently- he has not noticed anything. Sylvain is from Lyon, his parents haven't reported anything worth mentioning. Have their been rioters? There must have been, but it seems to me that America today is a far scarier place to live... especially if you're Muslim.

We are a couple weeks away from an election that could paralyze governance even more than it already is. Sarah Palin is getting out her misinformed vote, Christine O'Donnell is spreading her crazy, Alaska is in the news again (remember when Alaska was an afterthought, totally forgettable, ah, I miss those glory days) and Tennessee and New York are battling it out for who can be angrier and stupider. On top of that NPR is getting heat because they fired Juan WIlliams because he is a bigot and he is supposed to be a neutral reporter- firing sounds about right to me...

What happened to my country? I miss the days when crazy and stupid was isolated to the President and his cabinet.

The only answer I can think of is Fox News.

Legal Aid in Paris

Sylvain and I went to see a lawyer last week, the offices of the french version of legal aid were as dilapidated as the school I taught in in the Bronx, but as we followed our lawyer into her office we were full of hope for answers that we anxiously awaited. Unfortunately we literally got no answers, our lawyer "was used to working with Africans" and literally couldn't tell us once and for all what documents we would need to get PAC'ed. After asking our list of questions, without receiving even a flicker of "wait I know this one!" Sylvain asked for her email address and said he'd email our questions so she could do some research...

We left knowing this- PAC wasn't going to work if for no other reason then by the time we did get definitive answers we'd already be gone- we are moving back to the states in January and filing for PAC's can take a month or two. So, nevermind. Marriage it is then, perhaps we'll have to hire a lawyer in New York when we get there to sort our situation out to some extent. Even post 9-11 it seems that the states cuts through the bullshit and makes marrying a European a more or less straightforward affair. Court house weddings in New York require a license and a passport, check, check. Still our major concern when we got the ball rolling on all of this is where we could live (and work) post marriage... we're hoping Montreal works out...

Alliance Francaise

I feel obliged to post my mauvaise experience at Alliance Francaise Paris. I chose AF because I had an amazing AF experience at the New York location, but after two months and two awful teachers I am taking my hard earned money elsewhere. The classes are really expensive, the two teachers I've had have been polar opposites of the spectrum- one was seasoned but regularly called our Sri Lankan classmate Pakistani, which should not have been hard to remember considering at that time there were only 5 of us, and she was uncomfortable teaching us modern French, as in, the French that people speak as opposed to the French people spoke 50 years ago. Her methods were old school, she didn't use technology and stuck to the curriculum she'd been teaching for the last 30 years. The latest teacher must be new because she has been a basket case, lost. I check my watch at least every few minutes, and while I have always loved learning, I find that I fake bathroom breaks and walk around the halls to waste time- in 20 years of education I have never done that before.

My class is the highest section currently offered of Oral French right now (although in theory there are several higher levels), which is frustrating, there aren't any other sections offered on alternative days and the class size keeps swelling as more students add. My classmates and other friends I've met here feel the same about Alliance Francaise, when my course ends next week I will be looking for language exchange opportunities, or to pay a tutor; for anyone looking these offers are easy to find...

Marriage PAC's, Lawyers

It's always a little strange in a relationship when you start seeing each other, and you know that if you like each other, getting serious means you have to get married. It's frustrating. I love an adventure, but this adventure is complicated, and confusing, and involves lawyers. If we had done it right, if we had planned ahead in the Type A way neither of us are, maybe, if were at different stages in our lives, this would have been a lot easier. But we are who we are, and we have been living in a sort of pay as you go, a la carte, figuring it out as we go way.

We've been serious for a long time, or at least it feels like a long time. Although I guess it would if you've lived in 3 countries on three continents in less than a years time. I've sacrificed a lot, and I've no regrets, but the time has come to figure out how to stop sacrificing and start moving forward.

I'm excited about the moving forward part, not because it involves babies, or weddings, but because I'm anxious to get a real job in the field I love, I'm anxious for Sylvain to get a real job, and I'm excited for us to not have to live in limbo constantly deciding whose going to end up with the short end of the stick. I hate putting him in a position where he has to sacrifice opportunities and I hate feeling like I'm sacrificing my opportunities. Making "us" official will finally put an end to all of this sacrifice, and the anger and resentment that would soon be rearing its ugly head if we put it off any longer.

Living in France was at first deemed a trial for me- if we were going to be a franco-american couple we wanted to make sure that we were both capable of adjusting to the culture and living conditions of our respective homelands, I needed to work on my French and work out what the reality of French life would be. Since we met and lived in New York for 9 months, Sylvain already knew what to expect, but I wasn't sure what the limitations and advantages of living in france would be until I jumped in and gave it a trial run. The trial run was supposed to last 6-9 months, but after 6 months I realized I wanted to finish out the year as I didn't know if I'd have any teaching options to come home to in NYC. After moving into our new non-studio apartment, I'm wary about leaving again- we actually only have this apartment for 4 months, so even if we decided to stay, we still might end up having to move again but NY in January seems even more daunting...

It's this question, the million dollar question, do we stay or do we go, that I finally pushed forward with the legality of our status. We have looked into PAC when we moved here, but somehow, it didn't seem like it would work for us, we'd been living together for a year already, but not in France, and in France we had no contract, or bills to prove that we lived together so how would we qualify? Moreover, when you're researching anything that involves paperwork in France it is a flow chart of confusion in a foreign language, that at least for me, actually was a foreign language.

I recently had my mother send my birth certificate only to discover the birth certificate can't be older than 3 or 6 months depending on various websites. I also need to have a certificate verifying that I'm not already married, and then have that along with 10 other papers translated.

In the end it doesn't look like PAC's would do us any good, and it seems like even more work than getting married in France. We had originally decided to get married at the court house in New York City, but after all this research and confusion, we are seeking out legal help. Nothing is as clear as it seems it should be. As clear as, I love this person and want to spend the rest of my life with this person building a family and a life together, where do we sign?

I've said it before, I'll say it again; falling in love with an etranger is a pain in the ass, there is nothing remotely romantic about it, I don't even understand how France has this romantic reputation, with all their bloody bureaucracy, it's a wonder anyone ever fell in love here.

Looking for an Apartment

Sylvain and I were really lucky to have the opportunity to live in our friends apartment for the first 9 months of our lives in Paris. There is nothing as stressful as moving to a city and having nowhere to stay and feeling desperate to find something while at the same time trying to maintain a sense that life is fair- because put in that circumstance, desperation makes you ripe for those who would take advantage. You could end up paying much more for the monthly rent than the apartment is worth, but you could also be completely screwed over, you could trustingly give your money to someone who has no intention to handing over keys, or who is renting you the apartment without having any right to, leaving you susceptible to being robbed of your worldly possessions, your life savings and your trust in humanity.

Looking for an apartment in Paris is a sketchy experience, we used craigslist and vivastreet almost exclusively and for every ten emails we sent out begging to get a chance to just "look" at an apartment, we might get one response. We had all the typical rental experiences: showing up to find no one to let us in, showing up to discover prostitutes on every corner, showing up and having the place be awful, showing up and having it be a scam to steal your three months up front in cash while the owner is in Morocco.

It's hard to imagine not being a renter (as opposed to an owner), my life has not led to growing many roots anywhere, but at times it seems like a delicious taste of freedom that makes settling down almost worth it. We finally found a place about a week before we had to be out of our old place, we paid more than 4,000 euros in cash upfront for the 4 months we are renting it. I love our new space, it's perfect in every way our budget could expect, but the stress that built into a fever pitch leading up to finding it makes me long for the day when I am no longer living in a owners market in one of the biggest cities in the world.

Give me some outdoor space and an oven already.